My Relationship with Money
Out of all the topics I’ve talked about, money isn’t one I ever thought I’d share about. Even though I share about personal things, money seems sooo personal. It also seems superfluous, but what I want to share about isn’t.
I want to share my journey and relationship with money and money habits. Because what I went through and where I have come to are directly related to my business.
Remember me sharing about my competitiveness and pride? Money, or rather STUFF, was my crutch to a false sense of worth. I felt the more I had-the better I had- would make me feel better about myself. I falsely tried to gain a sense of security and power by acquiring THINGS. I wanted clothes and more clothes. And the same shirt in multiple colors. And designer jeans and bags and a nice car. I wanted to mask my insecurity in fictitious cloaks of wealth. And to do this, I totally overspent.
In the early years of our marriage, we were young and poor. But, I invested money into my facade over growing real financial security. A full closet felt safer to me than a full bank account. And for years, this is how I lived.
I valued what is meaningless.
I bankrolled the lie that my materials meant value. That things meant safety. That labels led to power.
Then I had an awakening- one of the hardest and best things I ever went through.
The short of it was, I had spent too much money for too long and to make any real progress and have any real financial growth and security in our life and growing family, I needed to wake up and make some big changes. This was around the time when my heart was changing. I was looking inward more and realizing the ways I wanted to grow as a woman. Like a lightbulb switched on, I saw that what I HAVE doesn’t make me worthy or better.
So I sold most of my stuff.
I know that sounds so strange. But, I need to purge, to cleanse from the things that were falsely tethering me to the old me.
And I became scrappy. I started thrifting instead of buying new. A made our own laundry detergent and soap. I made our own crackers and bread. If I could DIY It for cheaper, I did it. For YEARS.
That scrappiness led to my design and sewing business. Because the reason I started sewing was because I didn’t want to pay for new clothes.
And ultimately that business led me to photographing my pieces.
And that task in my business ultimately led me to where I am now.
My whole mindset and money habits changed. I changed. Because I didn’t have the false security of wealth anymore, I started loving my soul more than my stuff. I could look at empathy at other women’s facades and work on loving, not judging, them because I knew that woman so well because I was her. And my heart and soul rose because I was free and exposed and untethered by materials.
From spending to scarcity
I spent years being frugal and because of my negative relationship with money I got to the point where the pendulum had shifted and I was actually AFRAID of spending of money. I didn’t want to sink in to old habits. I didn’t want to begin placing value on material wealth. And because I had come to value financial security I was more obsessed with making sure we were building a good foundation for the future.
It wasn’t really until the last few years that I started realizing there had to be an in-between. I could be financially wise AND enjoy the experiences money can buy you. I realized it was ok to spend money and that didn’t mean that I was materialistic or shallow. It was ok to buy myself things.
My scarcity mindset was limiting my potential and dreams for my future.
And I saw how that was limiting my business.
I didn’t dream big because sometimes that meant investing and I was too scared to invest. In my business, I had priced myself so low that I wasn’t manifesting my optimal clients and I couldn’t provide what I knew could be the utmost client experience.
I decided there had to be a change from one extreme to the other.
Here’s what I personally did to gain a change my relationship-
I started worrying less (but still being wise). I started spending more (but making sure it was something I needed and loved).
I started being more generous.
I stopped being so serious about money.
I vowed to give away anything I didn’t really love so I would never get to the point of hoarding to make me feel safe.
How an Abundance Mindset Affected my Business
When I started spending money, my business flourished. That’s oversimplified, but let me explain.
This is not a post about how I invested in coaches and courses and how that helped me 10x my business or level up. This is about my personal transformation that benefited my business.
I’m all about helping women understand their worth and create a strategy to grow. But, when I was living in scarcity, I wasn’t living with that understanding of worth. I felt I wasn’t worthy of wealth or higher income or anything above ‘getting by’. I felt like if I had and manifested more money, that meant I was shallow, greedy, selfish and materialistic.
So I played small.
I charged small.
I didn’t dare to dream beyond average.
But, when I began to make those personal transformations with money that I mentioned above, my business changed.
I grew in confidence of my services.
I felt comfortable charging more money because I understood the value that I offered.
I understood the word ‘abundance’ and that it’s a beautiful, not dirty, thing.
I started dreaming big.
And when the doubts of “who do you think you are, Alexis?!” creep in, I remind myself that I am talented and worthy and gifted. And those are the things that help me work with so many amazing women.
Today, I am grateful for the tool of money. And my love of what having money brings to my life doesn’t mean that I’m greedy or selfish or materialistic. I love the freedom and gifts and opportunities money brought me. I am thankful for the struggle and hustle and scrappiness that I went through, but I don’t want to go back. I am thankful for the lessons that my overspending taught me.
Here is my money truth: I am thankful to feel comfortable being able to separate money from my personal worth, material items from true value and temporary things from false security of self.
What I would encourage you to do, above all else, is develop a relationship with your money habits. Get to know them, understand them and find out what is at the root of your spending or scarcity and anywhere in between. This healthy interaction is the key to financial and personal success.